Throughout my 23 years of life, there are hours I won’t get back. Like the day I tried to knit, the time I listened to a Jack Johnson album, and also the night I watched Chasing Liberty. I’m not here to tell you the “23 Things You Need to Feel Before You’re 23″ because I don’t know you that well. (Unless you’re my mom. Hi mom! Thanks for reading! We’re almost out of Pinot!) I couldn’t even think of 23 things to write about. But you don’t need me to tell you to “stop beating yourself up over a guy who broke up with you” because A. you’re all smarter than that, and B. who am I to tell you that anyway? So instead here are just some little things to read in between hockey quarters…halfs…periods? Yay go Wild.
Birthday celebrations officially came to an end as of yesterday; April is birthday month in my family with three of the five of us celebrating birthdays within four days of each other. (Wow. Was that confusing to read? Numbers are hard.) I welcomed 23 by celebrating in Des Moines a few weeks back with my “old college friends” and it went a lot like how you’d imagine a reunion with “old college friends” to go.
After the liver blitzkrieg, I had a very long and slightly probably mostly hungover drive back to Minnesota. I contemplated death and determined my tombstone would read, “I wish this were pizza.” But then I began thinking about some other stuff, as caffeinated minds are prone to do, albeit hungover. My new age was not wearing well on me. It sounded more mature than 21 and more sophisticated than 22, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around that I’ll be 24 the next time this shit happens. I figured I should start coming up with solutions to life’s most important questions until next April hits me in the face.
1. Am I too old to be this hungover?
Ask again next year.
2. How much should I miss college?
I always miss college when I’m back in my college town. I forgot how easy it was – naps, deciding for yourself whether or not to go to class that day, the fact that it was socially acceptable to be at a bar by 2 p.m., and that your best friends were always within walking distance. So, yeah, that I miss a lot. But I wouldn’t wish to go back. It seems that people who can’t go a day without trying to relive college are those who didn’t live it in the first place. So if you miss it like a normal person and have fond memories of your four-year home but aren’t wanting to lurk in campus building or bar booths, I think you’re doing alright.
3. How much should I focus on my career, really?
I still feel too little to even use the term “career.” Sometimes I feel accomplished and proud of where I currently am, career-wise. Sometimes it’s more like OMG I HAVE A JOB I ACTUALLY LIKE A LOT AND THEY LET ME WEAR LEGGINGS IF I WANT kind of feeling. So I guess I don’t know when I officially get to call my job my “career.” Probably around the same time I find nylons formidable and Frozen irrelevant.
4. What is Theo James’s phone number?
5. What is Theo James’s real phone number?
6. How candidly do I speak about how drunk I was last night, by myself, wait no my cats were there, off boxed wine, because it was on sale?
No one cares to really hear about it, which is why Twitter, Mindfire, and their unfollowing features exist.
7. Am I Insta-jealous?
This, apparently, is an actual disorder. Research has found that people are experiencing depression due to social media. Because when I see Skylar Astin take ridiculously cute pictures with Anna Camp, what am I left to do besides eat Oatmeal Pies to the point of no return? And when I see people my age traveling around the world FOR FUNSIES instead of being in an office all day, I ask myself, “What am I doing wrong?” I guess the truth of it all is that it’s April and I live in Minneapolis, so I’ll have to find my own version of an ocean view or Parisian patio, which will be idk, a tree with leaves on it maybe.
8. How much am I willing to spend on a good gin drink?
An *embarrassed-pink-cheeked* emoji face amount.
9. Do I REALLY need to exercise?
Well. Yeah. Do I need to enjoy it? Maybe not every time. But these days anytime you get SOMEWHERE BY FOOT, that is a damn feat. Exercising, so I am told, makes you feel better but it also makes your mind more awake. So for creatives like us who deem walking to the French Press an act of physical exertion, we gotta get moving somehow so we can do things we’re actually good at.
10. Life or death situation – brunch or happy hour?
Sophie’s Choice for the post-grad. I have no effing idea, you guys. What’s better than leisurely waking up just to remember you get to eat all the best things with the best people with the best two drinks: coffee and Bloody Marys. To quote another brunching friend of mine, “The only thing better than brunch is the post-brunch nap.” On the other hand, nothing tastes better than a drink after a seriously long day at work. Saving $4 could, in fact, save your soul.